Oh, oh. I wish I’d read this article a week ago. I just came back from a weekend visiting an old friend who’s recently had open heart surgery, spent every day fussing over how good she looked and telling her all about my relatives and their cardiac stories (lots of heart disease history in my family). Now I’m thinking that she must have been happy when I finally shut up and flew home!

You are trying to live one day at a time, and miss your old life. You hate relying on other people when you used to be so independent.

Just because I look good doesn’t mean I feel good.

Just be there for your heart friends. I keep waiting for someone to say why are YOU parking in the handicapped spot so I can show them my scar from the pacemaker.

Thanks for helping to explain where this is coming from, people’s fears and awkwardness around difficult scenarios like grief or illness. I too used to think that saying something positive and flattering and cheerful like “You look GREAT!!!” would somehow cheer a person up or distract them from their unpleasant reality. Instead, it can come across as shallow and superficial and NOT APPROPRIATE. Unless you have ben through something like this yourself, it is so hard for others to really understand why these comments are not helpful.

I will remember to use your suggested comments instead. Very helpful – EVERYBODY should be aware of this useful information. Thankyou.

Are those with chronic illnesses that hyper-sensitive then? I’m afraid to say anything for fear of offending now!

Your alternative suggestions, however, are useful and I shall remember them for future use.

When I saw him, I was battling a new diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis, lost employment, hypothyroidism, depression, through-the-roof stress, flashbacks from post traumatic stress disorder, nights racked with pain – yet was not taken seriously because none of it showed! As the article suggests, crutches or a full-body cast at least say: “Handle with care”.