It’s not what you know, or who you know, but who knows you

by Carolyn Thomas   ❤️   Heart Sisters (on Blue Sky)

Almost exactly one year ago, I started feverishly begging everyone I know to please-please-please ask their own family doctors to take on just one more new patient (ME!) despite every family practice clinic in town having a policy of  “Not Accepting Any New Patients” during a doctor shortage.

And my wonderful longtime family doctor had just sent out a “Dear Valued Patient”  letter, announcing her upcoming retirement by Christmas time. Worse – her letter said she’d been unable to arrange a replacement physician for her patients.

But one fine day several months later, something surreal happened. On that morning, I found myself in a nice bright family practice clinic, where a friendly receptionist recorded my vital signs for my new medical chart.

“For my new medical chart. . .”  Sweeter words were never spoken! This was really happening to me. I was being welcomed into a family practice clinic!

I’d like to acknowledge my friend Peggy’s efforts in going above and beyond to convince her own Nurse-Practitioner to take on just one more patient.

There’s an old truism you probably know:

“It’s not what you know, it’s WHO you know that counts.”

Today, I’m revising that statement, according to Susan RoAne, author of the best-selling book How To Work A Room, who says:

“It’s not what you know or who you know, but who knows YOU that counts!”

So it’s not just that I knew Peggy (although that’s certainly important to this story).

Had Peggy not made such a generous and enthusiastic personal effort to recommend me during her own clinic appointment (despite the brutal case of laryngitis I knew she’d been suffering at the time), I’d likely still be facing a bleak future when searching for my own longterm quality health care.  Heart patients like me need reliable longterm medical relationships.

My soon-to-retire family physician did not help me in my search. Getting my name on an endless government waiting list for a new doctor did not help me in my search.  Phoning, emailing and even sending letters via snail mail to every family practice office in town did not help me in my search.

But Peggy went to bat for me in a highly personalized way.

(I must add here that a number of my other friends (and even some Heart Sisters readers I’d never even met) had also stepped up to lobby their own doctors on my behalf – but despite those best efforts, most docs really mean it when they post their “NOT ACCEPTING NEW PATIENTS!” signs).

Fortunately for me, Peggy had attended one of my free “Heart-Smart Women”  presentations several years ago. Even better, Peggy and I had kept in touch, and we had friends in common, too. She read my Heart Sisters blog articles and my book. In other words, we had a connection. She knew who I was.

When she learned from our mutual friends how worried I was about losing my longtime family doctor,  Peggy jumped into overdrive to help out.

And it wasn’t long before that need for medical care exploded unexpectedly – on the day I called my lovely new Nurse-Practitioner and told her that, while I was showering that morning, I’d found a lump in my right breast.

Within days of that call, I had referrals to the Breast Imaging Clinic – where I had a mammogram, an ultrasound and a biopsy of that lump – all on the same day.

UPDATE: If you’re interested, you can read more here about how my new diagnosis of invasive ductal carcinoma compares with my 17 years living with heart disease.

When I called Peggy to thank her for pitching my plea, she shared what she had said directly about me, including this zinger of a recommendation:

“You’ve got to meet Carolyn!  She’s been helping thousands of women living with heart disease with her Heart Sisters blog articles and her free presentations – and now she needs help!”

I believe that had Peggy not made such a generous and enthusiastic personal effort to help me out (despite the brutal case of laryngitis I know she’d been suffering on that day), I might still be staring down a bleak future without a longterm medical professional.

Making direct personal contact, as Peggy did for me –  because she knew me – is what helped to convince her own Nurse-Practioner to make an exception for me.

I cannot possibly thank you enough, dear Peggy!  ♥

This particular experience made a remarkable impression on me because it so clearly illustrates how much our personal connections matter – in so many ways – including our state of mental and physical health.  UCLA Health reported last month, for example, on the profound importance of cultivating personal connections with others, especially as we get older  “if our ‘me’ time overwhelmingly outweighs our ‘we’ time”:

“Too much time alone, whether socially isolated (physically alone) or lonely (feeling alone), can impact your mental wellness, physical health and wallet.  

“Losing your sense of connection and community can alter your mind and behavior, leading to increased risks for chronic health conditions. We know that 60 per cent of people older than 65 have at least one chronic condition. As a result, socially isolated people tend to have greater medical expenses and even make more trips to the Emergency Department.

“The good news is that even if you’re part of the 28% of older adults living alone, there are ways to boost your connection with others and social success.

“Getting older doesn’t directly cause loneliness. But people older than 50 are more likely to be socially isolated because of age-related factors, such as cognitive decline, physical impairments, social challenges, disruptive life events like retiring or losing a loved one, or having a poor support system.”

That last point may hold the key for many older people, as UCLA Health warns:

“Without social engagement and a sense of belonging, you’re less likely to engage in wellness behaviors, and your risk of depression increases. If you remain socially isolated for a long period, you may also feel unmotivated to be with other people at all.”

Those are powerful findings: the more we remain socially isolated, the more unmotivated we’ll be to spend time with others. There’s a sure recipe for isolation as we get older.

And when we don’t make an effort now to reach out and connect with others, we are essentially planning to be isolated someday. But by then, who will really know YOU?

♥

Q: Have you too found that your “me” time is outweighing your “we” time as the years pass?