Tag: toxic positivity

When “Look on the bright side!” feels wrong

~ Carolyn Thomas ~ 16 Comments

by Carolyn Thomas   ❤️   Heart Sisters (on Blue Sky)

“If you have to get cancer, yours is a good kind to get!”  That’s what someone recently said out loud to me. It’s the kind of thing you might say out loud if you were truly trying to cheer me up but weren’t quite sure what on earth to say to a heart patient with a newly diagnosed malignant breast tumor the size of a small grapefruit. Yale University professor of psychology Dr. Laurie Santos calls this cheerfully minimizing response to a cancer patient as “the kind that decides ‘bad’ negative emotions could be fixed if only we had a more ‘look on the bright side!’ attitude.”

Nobody wants to say the wrong thing to any newly-diagnosed patient, but that perky “good kind of cancer” comment landed with a hollow thud. It’s also an example of something that only a patient might say one day – when this is behind her.
Continue reading “When “Look on the bright side!” feels wrong” →

Are you a cardiac muggle?

~ Carolyn Thomas ~ 26 Comments

by Carolyn Thomas  ♥  @HeartSisters

The term cancer muggle is what many people living with a cancer diagnosis define as “a person who thinks they know anything and everything about cancer, although they have no clue.”  (A muggle, by the way, is a term borrowed from Harry Potter, referring to humans who aren’t part of the wizarding world).

You’ll know them by the frightening tales they found on Facebook about people who died of exactly what you have now, or conversely by their eternally positive platitudes like: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!”  Messages can often pretend to be genuine optimism – but aren’t always interpreted by cancer patients as positive.  They can instead feel more like what’s known as toxic positivity (also as dismissive positivity). The unintended implication is that if only you had a more positive attitude, you’d be able to “beat” this cancer.

And in cardiac circles, heart patients can also face our own muggles.          .      . Continue reading “Are you a cardiac muggle?” →