A PhD from the U of Mom

3 Aug

Today, I’m happy to be sharing a guest post I think you’ll like a lot. It’s from Judith Westerfield, a delightful, art supply-toting, pacemaker-wearing, dog-loving psychotherapist.

In this post, Judy Judith, as she’s known, offers us the Cliff Notes version of this unique training led by our mothers – the U of Mom.

The U of Mom Curriculum

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”   

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
“Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. My mother taught me ADVANCED LOGIC.
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..”

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
“Stop acting like your father!”

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
“Just wait until we get home.”

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
“You are going to get it when you get home!”

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”

19. My mother taught me ESP.
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
“You’re just like your father.”

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

24. My mother taught me about CHOICE.
“Do you want me to stop this car?”

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”

26.My mother taught me WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”

Thanks to Norris & Sharon!

Read more gems at Judy Judith’s Creativity to the Max, a blog described eloquently like so: “a high energy, creative, fun, funky, and sometimes serious outlook on life; and oh yeah, there’s a dog!”

Q: What important lessons did you learn while attending your own U of Mom?

k

12 Responses to “A PhD from the U of Mom”

  1. Lora Frisch August 8, 2012 at 11:21 am #

    I had a friend whose father taught his children to always say good things about mom’s cooking. If you sat at the table and said something negative about the food, his father would grab your plate and eat it before you could take back your words.

    Like

    • Carolyn Thomas August 8, 2012 at 5:42 pm #

      Whoah! That’s a pretty powerful lesson – bet this Dad didn’t have to do that too many times for the kids to get the message. When mine were little, I tried to enforce a dinnertime custom that suggested the family should spend as much time praising the food as it took to make it. Don’t recall that this custom ever caught on . . . 😉

      Like

  2. HibernationNow August 3, 2012 at 2:13 pm #

    I just want to say that I have subscribed to JudyJudith’s blog for a long time and I KNOW from personal experience, she is one of the loveliest people ever. We became friendly through my blog and hers, and even our dogs are friends in cyber-space. I adore this woman who is so bright, so sensitive and so right on. Everyone should check her out but when you get to the Eppiglottitis vs Fish Post debate, I win. 🙂 Love from Laurie

    Like

    • Carolyn Thomas August 3, 2012 at 3:49 pm #

      I see that your dogs are indeed friends, although I wouldn’t have thought that possible, based on the dogs I know. Thanks for taking the time to say nice things about JudyJudith!

      Like

  3. Deborah Walker August 3, 2012 at 9:09 am #

    “I told you not to climb that tree/ wall/ rockface/ drainpipe. If you fall, you’ll get a good spanking as well!”

    My mother taught me FITNESS!

    Like

    • Carolyn Thomas August 3, 2012 at 10:07 am #

      Good one, Deborah! That’s also a lesson in CAUSE & EFFECT…

      Like

    • Leslea August 3, 2012 at 11:31 am #

      My mother taught me FRUGALITY.

      “If you spill something on that full price cashmere sweater, you might as well throw it away. If you bought the synthetic look-alike on sale like I told you, spilling is no big deal, just throw it away.”

      Leslea Steffel-Dennis

      Like

      • Carolyn Thomas August 3, 2012 at 3:51 pm #

        That kind of makes sense – except either way, you get to go sweater-shopping again. Good lesson, Leslea!

        Like

  4. U.K. Lass August 3, 2012 at 9:03 am #

    So funny! Thanks Carolyn for sharing Judith’s hilarious list here. This made my day – I’m sending it to my own Mum.

    Like

    • Carolyn Thomas August 5, 2012 at 6:45 am #

      Great idea – I’ve forwarded it to my kids!

      Like

  5. MentalMakeovers August 3, 2012 at 8:28 am #

    From my heart to your heart and now back to my heart.

    My Mom also taught me to say THANK YOU.
    with love,
    JudyJudith

    Like

    • Carolyn Thomas August 3, 2012 at 8:49 am #

      My Mom taught me to say: “Aw shucks, it was nothing. . . 😉 Love this list of yours – so funny! Thanks for letting me share it here.

      Like

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