“Always keep several get well cards on the mantle. So if unexpected guests arrive, they will think you’ve been sick and unable to clean.”
Maxine © 1986 Shoebox Greetings
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Category: Humour
“God punishes bad children!” – or, why you have heart disease
by Carolyn Thomas ♥ @HeartSisters
When I was a little girl growing up in a rabidly catholic family of seven, my mother had a standard response to anything bad that happened to her children (like even just stubbing a toe on the coffee table leg as we skipped across the living room floor):
“See? God punishes bad children!”
Under her tutelage, my siblings and I learned a couple of important life lessons:
1. that we were basically bad children (this fits right in with the catholic church’s doctrine of original sin, so likely made perfect sense to us at the time), and
2. that God must be very, very busy keeping track of every opportunity to personally administer the punishment that my sibs and I so richly deserved.
When children like us grow up and get diagnosed with, oh, let’s say – heart disease, it’s proof positive that we’re just getting what we had coming. Continue reading ““God punishes bad children!” – or, why you have heart disease”
When eating chocolate is the only right thing to do!
Does anybody remember this classic I Love Lucy episode in which Lucy and Ethel land jobs on the chocolate factory assembly line? Sometimes ya gotta do what ya just gotta do. Thanks to Dr. Laura Imola of Niagara Falls for reminding me recently that laughing out loud is very good for our hearts.
See also:
Auricular amputations of confectionery rabbits
My favourite recipe for heart-healthy chocolate fudge brownies
Is chocolate good for women’s heart health?
Chocolate-covered bacon – and other ways to alter your brain cells
Mary Maxwell: “How old age just sort of crept up on me . . .”
“This is the first time I’ve ever been old. And it just sort of crept up on me,” explains 72-year old Mary Maxwell as she delivers the invocation before the annual dinner at an Omaha seniors facility. At first, her presentation starts like a normal little prayer, but it soon takes a hilarious turn when she hijacks the microphone for a more personal chat with God about the topic of growing old. With the laser-like timing of a professional stand-up comic, she talks about common aging issues – like random hair growth. “I remember the time I reached to brush a hair off my lapel,” she deadpans. “And then I realized it was attached to my chin…”
Mary shines a very funny light on the foibles of aging, to the absolute delight of her live audience, as well as over 3 million YouTube viewers so far. Here’s the 7-minute video called “A Reminder That Laughter is The Best Medicine”. It’s from the Caregiver Stress website hosted by Home Instead Senior Care Services. Sit back, enjoy Mary Maxwell, and then forward this link to the people you love. Mary’s unique message and unforgettable humour will be good for their hearts – and their souls.
You can also download a copy of the poem Blessed In Agingthat Mary reads at the end of her invocation.
Heart Sisters 