Dear Carolyn: “I’m having the time of my life!”

6 May

by Carolyn Thomas    @HeartSisters

As part of my Dear Carolyn series of posts featuring my readers’ unique stories on what it’s like to become a heart patient, this one involves a woman with not one but several medical diagnoses. When distressing symptoms were initially diagnosed by her oncologist as lymphoedema (a condition sometimes associated with cancer treatments), her first response was: My future looks positively bleak.” But when she finally heard the corrected diagnosis of heart failure from an internal medicine specialist one year following her chemo treatments and radiation, her surprising reaction was this:

“I just about hugged the internist when he told me it wasn’t lymphoedema after all – it was just my heart!  I thought he’d given me my life back again. And he had! Like receiving my own Magna Carta. And in a single week, with the help of my new cardiac medications, off came the 30 extra pounds of fluid I’d been hauling around.”

That was certainly a first for me (somebody thrilled by a heart failure diagnosis!?) Today’s Dear Carolyn letter focuses on a favourite subject of mine: resilience in the face of a medical crisis, and it starts with a woman known to us simply as Honey Bee

“Dear Carolyn,

“I am writing to thank you for your book. I was delighted to learn that you are a Canadian, too. I live in Toronto. With no pension (aside from the government ones), my savings are now my source of income. I’m a widow in my 60s, no family, a survivor of both stage three cancer and congestive heart failure, and am presently living with atrial fibrillation and sleep apnea. That sounds rather ominous on paper!!!

“But, in spite of almost no physical strength, I am having the time of my life!  

“I am learning to pace myself.  I do what replenishes my energy, rather than what depletes it. I see my own cardiologist twice a year. And he orders all the testing: ECG, echocardiogram, Holter Monitor. I was monitored for a few years with decreasing frequency at the Cardiology Clinic at my hospital. Now I know how to monitor myself.

“My cardiologist even gave me the green light for flying. So I have been to Europe twice, and hope to go again in June. “Gentle” aerobics classes are still beyond me, but I do what I can. I can travel and keep up with the tour group. I can walk and climb stairs. I can move. I am not in pain.

“I am seldom at home now, because I know how important it is for a person like myself, who lives alone with no family, to be engaged with others, and in more than one group. That, too, is part of my “work” of becoming well. Connections bring me immense joy.
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“I have become a ‘celebrator’ of every little milestone and achievement and any occasion. Now four years cancer-free! And a friend calls me a Comfort Connoisseur.  I relish the ‘petit plaisir”:
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  • – like the light and flaky egg custard tarts that a nearby Chinese bakery concocts fresh every day
  • – like a Starbucks latté while seated before their fireplace in a comfy armchair with a book
  • – like calming music: adagios, cello, Taize songs, nature sounds and tones at 432 HZ for relaxation
  • – like the structure, dignity, and beauty of the Liturgy on Sunday mornings
  • – like exploring and going on little adventures
And besides all my regular medical and dental appointments:
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  • – I go line dancing once a week.
  • – I just joined a walking club.
  • – I belong to a book club.
  • – I am a Tafelmusik subscriber (last night it was all Beethoven, pure bliss).
  • – I hope to travel to Wales next month.
  • – I attend luncheons for seniors (three a month).
  • – I have a monthly chiropractic appointment.
  • – I have a monthly massage.
  • – I have just discovered a wonderful reflexologist.
  • – I love discovering new venues and events and people.
  • – I read every spare minute.
  • – I listen to inspiring TED talks,  the latest one was by Dr. Rangan Chatterjee, MD, and I have requested his book at the library.
  • – Now that the warmer weather has arrived,  I have had ‘patio therapy’ (and the sunshine vitamin) three times so far this week, to sit and just ‘be’.
  • – If I need Rest and Recovery Days,  I take them, without guilt, for as long as I need to.  I listen to the wisdom of my body.
  • – I continue to learn.  I just completed a nine-week course (two evenings a week) in German with the Goethe Institute, and then I celebrated with a pedicure and lunch at a crêperie!
  • – I am becoming more aware of my responses and am learning emotional fluency.
  • – I refuse to be ‘used’ and am learning to say NO!  Yes, I am still very gentle, but inside those velvet gloves, there is steel.
  • – This month, I am attending: a Bach Festival, a retreat day, a dinner and dance, an Ascension Day dinner and talk, Fridays at the Foster (musical evenings), and beginning a series of lectures on Catherine the Great and the Hermitage.
“Thank you again for writing your book. I am enjoying it so much, and I am grateful for the wisdom you share. Yours was a book I just dove into.  It seems to scratch just where I itch! When you write about fatigue, I know you understand. I can identify with the extreme lassitude, especially when I was undergoing both chemo as well as heart issues. Others simply cannot grasp the overpowering inability to do normal tasks, such as showering.
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“I know it is a book I will go back to often, for validation, for support, for permission to be who I am. Limited yes, but still with amazing possibilities available. And like the doctor’s desk reference,  I will not lend it out. It’s a keeper! 😊  I am grateful for the wisdom you share. You are so right, this is now my full-time job.
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“Wishing you health and joy. . . “
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Honey Bee

 
“P.S. Other books I enjoy include:

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♥ ♥ ♥
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Q: What ‘petits plaisirs’ (small pleasures) help to make this the “time of your life” – in spite of your diagnosis?
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NOTE FROM CAROLYN:  Thank you to Nancy Stordahl, who writes about breast cancer on her Nancy’s Point blog, and is also the author of several books including “Cancer Was Not a Gift and it Didn’t Make Me a Better Person.”  She not only wrote a lovely review of my new book, “A Woman’s Guide to Living with Heart Disease” (find out why a breast cancer blogger wanted to review a book about heart disease!) but Nancy also offered a contest to her readers to win the book. The lucky winner was Honey Bee – which is how I came to learn her story!
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See also:

4 Responses to “Dear Carolyn: “I’m having the time of my life!””

  1. Lauren May 6, 2018 at 11:36 pm #

    I enjoyed this post, thanks Honey Bee – and Carolyn for posting!

    My “petit plaisir” is having the time (thanks to early retirement due to my heart issues) to send snail mail: cards, letters, little gifts, postcards to my family and friends. I had a conversation with a friend who is in remission from lung and brain cancer, but had to retire from work much earlier than she wanted or expected and we discussed the opportunities that can arise from chronic illness and disease – just when you thought it was all downhill from here.

    Thanks again for the happy reminder!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Carolyn Thomas May 7, 2018 at 2:38 pm #

      Hi Lauren – I love that comment about snail mail, which I sometimes fear will become a dying art. It’s the loveliest thing to open a real card or real letter that somebody has taken the time to drop in the mailbox. You are being a good role model for your friend in remission (and I’m also guessing that truly appreciating the opportunities provided by chronic illness has to be something people can only come to by themselves, over time).

      I too, for example, had to end my career suddenly and prematurely; at the time, I was desperate to feel “normal” when nothing at all felt normal anymore, and being able to return to work seemed the most effective way to do that – except that when it wasn’t possible after all, it was a devastating reality to face.

      Like

  2. oracle and crow (@gangewifre) May 6, 2018 at 11:43 am #

    What a lovely letter to receive! Lots of juicy wisdom within it, too. I absolutely find those small pleasures in life a cornerstone of my own wellness practice.

    Today my pleasures include getting to stay in my pjs all day at home for a mandatory rest day, while sipping a new white tea & reading some new books in the sunshine on my balcony! ah….

    Liked by 1 person

    • Carolyn Thomas May 6, 2018 at 12:26 pm #

      It IS a lovely letter, for sure! ♥ I like your own list of “petits plaisirs” for today!

      Like

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